https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2017\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/312\/2017\/05\/Hannah-Gershone.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n <\/p>\n
September 7<\/span>th<\/span>. From the Super 8 Motel, 2 Gateway Drive, Collinsville, Illinois 62234 <\/span><\/p>\nTilt your ears up. Can you hear it? A <\/span>constellation<\/span><\/i>. Imagine the strings of sound, moments and points of connection. Now can you hear it? <\/span>Pssshhhhhh<\/span><\/i>. Stars screaming. The sound of a constellation grabbed out of the sky and thrust into water. That\u2019s how my family ended, you know. Some of the warmth still surrounds me, but it\u2019s nothing like the <\/span>Phhhhpop!crrrpop! <\/span><\/i>it was before. No, now it\u2019s just me floating in a dark, tepid pool. I think of the old me, the happy me, before Elsie was no longer my wife. And even when she was she wasn\u2019t. March 15 I was telling Rose a bedtime story. But you only need a couple weeks to change. By March 29th<\/span> Elsie had turned her against me. Ah. Well. The sounds, I remember the sounds, were real. <\/span>Fast-wet-clicks <\/span><\/i>before\u2014 <\/span><\/p>\nTell me a story. <\/span><\/p>\nFast<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
It\u2019s Rose\u2019s sixth birthday. March 29<\/span>th<\/span>. I wake up to the <\/span>Beep*Beep*Beep <\/span><\/i>of my alarm. 7 AM. \u201cGo get the cake,\u201d Elsie gently reminds me. I roll out of tangled blue bedsheets, put on some pants, and I\u2019m out the door. Cruising through STOP signs on the way to Cott\u2019s Bakery (the one Hopkins Crossroad), I hope they have a pink one with sparkles. It would match Rose\u2019s favorite dress. <\/span>Ding! <\/span><\/i>sings the little doorbell. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cGoodmorning!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cMorning. I\u2019m looking for one of your princess birthday cakes. A pink one with lots of sparkles.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cSure, we have several right over\u2014oh! I\u2019m sorry, I forgot we just ran out of stock on those a couple days ago…\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nI feel bad for the saleswoman. Her sweetheart body creases and sinks with apology as she says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Sir. Is there anything else I can get you?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine. Thanks.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nI decide on a chocolate one instead, covered in fat, blue flowers. Vanilla inside, it\u2019s the best I can do. I figure I can pick up some wands from the Dollar Store, along with the balloons, and stick them in the cake later. Besides, kids love flowers, right? <\/span><\/p>\nI step through the front door, arms loaded with bags, and the first thing I hear is, \u201cHey. Did you get the cake?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cYeah,\u201d I say, walking towards the kitchen. Jesus, feels like 100 degrees inside this house. Once I set the bags down, she opens the glossy cake box lid and peers inside. \u201cThey were out of princess cakes, but I picked the prettiest one I could find.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cIt\u2019s one of the only things she asked for today,\u201d Elsie says softly. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cWell, they ran out.\u201d I wonder if Rose will be angry at me. Why do women get so angry anyway? The star wands will cheer her up. Think I\u2019ll be alright. <\/span><\/p>\nAnnoyance flashes across her face for a moment. Elsie examines the cake once more before closing the lid. \u201cOkay, well it should taste good in any case.\u201d She looks up past my shoulder. \u201cWe don\u2019t have much time before they start coming. Can you vacuum the floor? Oh, and Ethan? Make sure all the gifts are wrapped- they\u2019re in the closet.\u201d Grabbing the balloons, she maneuvers behind the kitchen table and out the porch door. Reminds me of the hospital, all those newborn heads bouncing around. <\/span><\/p>\nThe doorbell starts <\/span>ringingining <\/span><\/i>at noon.<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cHoney can you\u2014\u201cElsie starts, calling from the porch.<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cMmph,\u201d I respond, and shove my head deep in the pantry. Where did those paper napkins and plates go? Elsie comes out and bustles to the door, hustling kids to the backyard. \u201cWould you like a bear, a bumblebee, or a flower today?\u201d I hear drift in from outside.<\/span><\/p>\nWell, a long time ago <\/span><\/p>\n1 PM, and I\u2019m in the kitchen, watching Elsie smoosh six candles into a melting cake. Rose and her friends are seated around a large round table, covered in a pink tablecloth. They laugh as one, black and brown ponytails bobbing up and down like little, twittering birds. Elsie finishes pushing candles into the spongy cake and takes out the cutting board, slicing up strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Juice drips down the counter. <\/span>Shink Shink Shink<\/span><\/i>. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cDad, I want cake!\u201d Rose yells from outside.<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cCan you get out the forks?\u201d Elsie asks.<\/span>\u2028<\/span>I rise out of my seat. Woah. The room is shifting. Everything is either very<\/span> small<\/span> or very<\/span> large<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\nwe were all just particles. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cDad!\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cEthan…\u201d<\/span><\/p>\nI stagger towards the cupboard instead, grab the Advil and gulp down five straightaway. Lack of sleep? Still tired from Thursday night. Should have just gone home. Elsie marches impatiently past me with the cake. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cNever mind, I\u2019ll do it,\u201d she huffs on her way out the porch door. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cI\u2019ll be out in a minute,\u201d I say, leaning against the counter. My eyes rest on the Dollar Store bag. Blue, star topped wands poke out the sides. The wands. I close my eyes. We forgot. I just wanted her to feel like a Princess. <\/span><\/p>\nWet<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
It\u2019s Rose\u2019s 6<\/span>th <\/span>birthday. <\/span>Beep*Beep*Beep<\/span><\/i>. \u201cGo get the cake,\u201d says Elsie. I haul my ass out to the car and drive, at the crack of dawn mind you, all the way to Cottingham\u2019s Bakery. <\/span>Ding!<\/span><\/i> What\u2019s a particle? <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cGoodmorning!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cMorning. I\u2019m looking for one of your princess birthday cakes. A pink one with lots of sparkles.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cSure, we have several right over\u2014oh! I\u2019m sorry, I forgot we just ran out of stock on those a couple days ago…\u201d The saleswoman blinks her blue-shadowed eyes at me. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Sir. Is there anything else I can get you?\u201d she whines. <\/span><\/p>\nGod, I hate incompetence. Am I like that?<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine. Thanks.\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\nI wasn\u2019t about to drive to all the bakeries across town, so I take a chocolate one, knowing Elsie will probably throw a fit. Besides, the cake has flowers on it. Kids love that shit, right? Damn. I still have to pick up the balloons. Maybe if I buy some wands Her Highness will forgive me for the cake. <\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019m not even through the front door before Elsie\u2019s in my face, nagging me. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cHey. Did you get the cake?\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cYeah,\u201d I say. Must be 101 degrees inside the house. I speed past her and into the kitchen. Not easy carrying three bags, but does she ask to help? She claws at the bags until she finds the cake box. She opens the lid and peers inside. \u201cThey were out of princess cakes, but I picked the prettiest one I could find.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cIt\u2019s one of the only things she asked for today,\u201d Elsie snaps. I can practically hear her thoughts: \u201cHe should have called and ordered the cake ahead of time.\u201d Not my fault. You\u2019d guess they\u2019d be better prepared. Hundreds of little girls in the neighborhood. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cWell, they ran out.\u201d Will Rose blame me? I told her last night I was going to buy the best one. No. No. No. No. It was Elsie. Not me. Not my fault. Love her so much. At least <\/span>I <\/span><\/i>always tell her so. Elsie\u2019s not the…no. How can she be? I\u2019m the one out working all day. Turn my attention back to Elsie\u2019s face. Ha! I smile at her eye. Twitching. Good. <\/span><\/p>\nShe closes the lid and says, \u201cOkay, well it should taste good in any case.\u201d Why wouldn\u2019t it? Wait, what flavor did Rose want? I glance at Elsie. Not like she knows either. \u201cWe don\u2019t have much time before they start coming. Can you vacuum the floor? Oh, and Ethan? Make sure all the gifts are wrapped- they\u2019re in the closet.\u201d I want to SCREAM. Why is she always\u2014that\u2019s what she wants.<\/span> Dust.<\/span><\/p>\nLater. I have a SPLIT-ING headache. Must be catching a cold. <\/span>Ringingining <\/span><\/i>goes my head. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cHoney can you\u2014\u201d Elsie starts, calling from the porch.<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cMmph,\u201d I respond, and shove my head deep in the pantry. Go away. Goawaygoawaygoaway. \u201cWould you like a bear, a bumblebee, or a flower today?\u201d drifts in from outside. <\/span><\/p>\nNow I\u2019m in the kitchen. Fingers are swelled and squished together with sweat. Elsie\u2019s cutting the fruit <\/span>chop chop bam wham <\/span><\/i>and the kids are screaming bloody <\/span>Shink <\/span><\/i>murder <\/span>Shink <\/span><\/i>outside <\/span>Shink<\/span><\/i>. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cDad, I want cake!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cCake! Cake! Cake!\u201d<\/span> Little points of…<\/span><\/p>\nCrush crack <\/span><\/i>goes the red Advil between my teeth, salvia drips. \u201cCan you get out the forks?\u201d Leaves, with a smart <\/span>clack-twist-twirl<\/span><\/i>. She forgot the wands. I take one out of the bag. Glimmers faintly, forking beams of light. I lean over the bowl of fruit.<\/span> stuff.<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cDad!\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cEthan…\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cHere are some stars for you,\u201d I hum. <\/span>Snap<\/span><\/i>. One for her, The Good Witch of the <\/span><\/p>\nSouth. <\/span>Tink <\/span><\/i>chimes the bell. <\/span>Tink <\/span><\/i>repeat the points.<\/span> stardust.<\/span><\/p>\nClicks<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
Beep*Beep*Beep<\/span><\/i>. Day starts with a push. wife warms up with \u201cGO GET THE CAKE.\u201d dashing to Cottingley\u2019s bakery. <\/span>Ding! <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\u201cGoodmorning!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cMorning. I\u2019m looking for one of your princess birthday cakes. a pink one with lots of sparkles.\u201d<\/span> Floating around<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cSure, we have several right over\u2014Oh! I\u2019m sorry, I forgot we just ran out of stock on those a couple days ago…\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nAfraid. That\u2019s how Rose sees me. I know that\u2019s how she thinks of me. Will Rose become<\/span> distant? They say…teenagers. No, not there yet. Here.<\/span> colliding <\/span><\/p>\nblinkblinkblink.\u201cI\u2019msorrySirIsthereanythingelseIcangetyou?\u201d Great customer service. What? In a rush to get back to your wonderful, busy life? Sure you have a boyfriend and everything. Safe. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine. Thanks.\u201d<\/span>\u2028<\/span>I gotta go star picking.<\/span> until<\/span><\/p>\nBack. 102 degrees. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cHey. Did you get the cake?\u201d Elsie says, already in the kitchen with Rose. Rose is still in her Ariel nightgown. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cYeah,\u201d I say, looking at Rose. Knew it. She\u2019s been talking to her about me, woke her up just to do it. \u201cThey were out of princess cakes, but I picked the prettiest one I could find.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cIt\u2019s one of the only things she asked for today\u201d<\/span> Elsie<\/span> says. She bends down and beckons to<\/span> Rose<\/span>. <\/span>Elsie<\/span> hugs<\/span> her.<\/span> They separate, both peering into the cake box. Do they have a plan? They want to get away from me. Proof. Poof. I know it. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cWell, they ran out.\u201d Can\u2019t watch this. She knew I wouldn\u2019t say anything. Not on<\/span> Rose\u2019s<\/span> birthday. But<\/span> she<\/span> has.<\/span> Influenced the<\/span> girl. <\/span>A<\/span> mother\u2019s<\/span> love.<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cOkay, well it should taste good in any case.\u201d Yes, winning does, doesn\u2019t it? \u201cWe don\u2019t have much time before they start coming. Can you vacuum the floor? Oh, and Ethan? Make sure all the gifts are wrapped- they\u2019re in the closet.\u201d They leave me, go outside. I can hear them laughing <\/span>
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Constellations<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n