{"id":9,"date":"2019-02-20T14:59:43","date_gmt":"2019-02-20T19:59:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/?page_id=9"},"modified":"2019-04-28T15:21:36","modified_gmt":"2019-04-28T20:21:36","slug":"brenda-payette","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/brenda-payette\/","title":{"rendered":"Brenda Payette"},"content":{"rendered":"

Brown Eyes<\/i><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I had May in my early twenties, only getting to enjoy the freedom of one semester in college before I was a mom. \u00a0When I realized I was pregnant, my boyfriend Matt was in the service and we decided not to stay dating while he was gone. \u00a0I had big plans to become an architect. My mom and stepdad didn\u2019t really care for Matt anyway and they felt we were too young to be seriously involved. \u00a0So, when I found out I was pregnant, mom and Peter didn\u2019t encourage me to tell Matt.<\/p>\n

Eight weeks after Matt left, I finally heard from him. \u00a0When I told him I was pregnant, it was no surprise that he wasn\u2019t overjoyed at the news. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMatt, my parents are letting me stay at home with the baby as long as I continue college.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh please do tell, what do Cindy and Peter have to say about me now?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh come on Ellen, they never thought I would amount to anything. \u00a0Of course they\u2019ll let you stay at home on their conditions.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMatt, I know. \u00a0My mom is so different after my dad died. \u00a0She\u2019s all about Peter now. I went along because I knew I would be leaving for college soon. \u00a0Now what? What\u2019s there for me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEllen, you know I can\u2019t help you with anything now, I\u2019m signed up for four years and who knows I might make a career out it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know Matt, I\u2019m not asking you for anything, I\u2019m fine and we\u2019ll be fine.\u201d \u00a0I hung up the phone and rubbed my belly and leaned back into the wall, \u201cIt\u2019s just the two of us now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The next night at dinner, I told mom and Peter that I had talked to Matt and told him about the baby. \u00a0In mom\u2019s typical fly out of control manner, she slammed her fist down on the table. \u201cWhy did you do that? Did you think he was going to run home to take care of you and the baby?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCindy, that\u2019s enough!\u201d I never heard Peter raise his voice like that especially to my mom. \u00a0\u201cEllen did what she thought was best.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I got up from the table and went to my bedroom. \u00a0As I was walking down the hallway, I thought about how nothing seemed familiar to me anymore. My dad was gone, Matt was gone and I was about to have a baby. \u00a0I sat in my chair looking out the window and listened to mom and Peter have their first argument that I knew of. Interestingly, Peter was standing up for me. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Time felt like it was standing still but when the snow stopped falling and the birds returned to their trees, I was shocked at how little time was left before I would meet the love of my life for the very first time. \u00a0I had only heard from Matt a couple of times in the last few months and when we talked our conversations were strained and distant. It was like we didn\u2019t know each other anymore<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI got my orders today.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, where to?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was accepted into the program and I agreed to get training out of the country and stay in for at least eight years after that.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOut of the country, what does that mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt means I\u2019m not allowed to say where I\u2019m going other than my training is out of the country.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

My heart pounded so hard I heard the echo in my ears. \u00a0I kept blinking to keep my tears from escaping. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOk, sounds like everything is working out for you then. \u00a0I\u2019m happy. Good luck, stay safe!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I hung up the phone and rolled over on the bed. \u00a0I grabbed my pillow and clutched it as tight as I could with my big belly in the way. \u00a0I cried myself to sleep that night unaware that it was the last night I would ever be alone again. \u00a0When I woke up the next morning, my back hurt. I thought it was because of the way I slept. When I reached across the table to get an apple, my mom noticed the pain I was in and called the doctor. \u00a0Twelve hours later, I gave life to a beautiful and healthy baby girl named May. I would never forget when they handed her to me. I looked down and was met with the biggest brown eyes, a headful of dark curly hair and the strength it took to hold her neck up straight. \u00a0This moment is captured in my memory and I couldn\u2019t imagine anything replacing it. <\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t take much time off after having May. \u00a0Before I knew it, I was back juggling school, work, and a baby. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t easy keeping up with everything but I knew I had no other choice if I was going to make something of myself. \u00a0After all, Matt wasn\u2019t coming back for us. In fact, he didn\u2019t even know May was born. Mom and Peter helped out whenever they wanted to. \u00a0They didn\u2019t make it easy for me, especially my mom. She felt she already raised her family and made it clear that I needed to figure it out. \u00a0Peter however, was much more helpful. He loved to pick up May from daycare and take her to the park. I saw Peter in a different way and appreciated his love for May. \u00a0I knew what it was like to have a dad who was around and cared for me. I knew that Peter couldn\u2019t replace my dad but I cherished the moments he was a grandpa to May.<\/span><\/p>\n

At times I thought about giving up and taking a break from school until May was bigger. \u00a0But whenever I had those moments, May would give me extra hugs and cuddle up with me on the couch. \u00a0I held my book in one hand and May in the other. As I looked down; I was met with the biggest, most confident, brown eyes. \u00a0I knew I had to stay in school. <\/span><\/p>\n

My social life consisted of Saturday afternoons in the park with May. I was a frequent guest at the library on Sundays because they had children\u2019s activities and I could sign May up for them and take advantage of the library to do school work. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My hard work and dedication paid off and I received my degree in architecture. I was lucky and found a paid internship with a prestigious architectural firm that allowed me to complete the three-year internship program. \u00a0The firm hired me after I completed my degree and I continued to work up past architect, senior architect and senior manager. I was the reason the firm was awarded the contract for new construction. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Brown Eyes I had May in my early twenties, only getting to enjoy the freedom of one semester in college before I was a mom. \u00a0When I realized I was pregnant, my boyfriend Matt was in the service and we decided not to stay dating while he was gone. \u00a0I had big plans to become … Continue reading Brenda Payette<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":85,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-9","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/85"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":134,"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9\/revisions\/134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/commons.mtholyoke.edu\/blackstickreview2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}