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The stiff but yielding paper thread is untied, and the cover can be lifted. Which way is up to the viewer as this is a double sided maze book. One way, color threads appear almost immediately, welling up from the page, pink, purple, and grey, weaving across the bright white. Then purple fibers, embedded in the page appear, and the next turn physically takes the viewer sideways. Greenish brown in the base paper, under all the threads, comes next; plant fiber. The progression continues with subtle, muted changes until the end with the last two pages being identity flags. The other side, runs in a similar fashion, if more dramatic. To name a few: threads, new fiber, a handprint, a hole, and french doors.
This work has a mixture of senses, first touch with the thread as one unties it, then sound as the pages are opened, sight with the colors, finally touch as the work invites the viewer to interact more personally, beyond just flipping pages. Together each moment of change weaves a story with one new element following the next creating a high moment in the middle, some let down, then a massive change at the end with color, details, and drama all trailing off giving both the sense of a conclusion with a hint at more to follow. The work tells a story and brings the viewer along on this journey. Here, then each element makes a greater impact when read together. What exactly the journey that is being travelled only becomes known at the end. After all, hindsight is 20/20.
In explaining what inspired this work, I believe it is important to share my story of identity; I am bisexual and demisexual but I did not always know this. The artwork, Deeper, expresses my journey of self discovery, a journey that pivoted in the space of a couple hours. But getting there was years in the making with all the subtle clues. Even more important was the right series of events. In the end the idea of bisexuality was the only thing that felt right. In quick succession I also discovered demisexuality. While this is far from the end of my journey the first few hours is what the book, Deeper, is about. And everything in the book becomes a reflection of this concept.
I chose abaca as a base for the clean, pristine look it has and the association I have with white as innocence and ignorance both. The purple, pink, and grey color schemes come from the bisexual and demisexual flags. The plant fiber for its natural connection and heavy personal involvement from the very start. The rag fiber for its more personal touch having come from my clothes. I used kozo paper for both its connection to before this journey began to the very centered and intimate process of making it. I chose a book for its story like qualities. I chose no words since, in the end, it was just a sense of what was true. But I included the flags as a signal to others that this is what the book is about. The design with the threads, rag fiber, plant fiber, and kozo paper were all deliberate, reflecting the outward influence of others on my life, the inward reality of my identity, and the soft but violent emotional journey of understanding. And this journey is far from finished. My identity continues to be challenged every day. Yet there will always be challenges, struggles, and trying times, what should never be lost is the simple pleasure we gain from doing the activities we enjoy, being with the people we like, and all the small, wonderful moments in between. And for me, it is creating with my hands, like artwork.